HAM HYSTERIA

     The bushes parted as a pointed black nose poked out. The nose was followed by two brown pointed ears.

     Wolfy eyed the piggies new brick house and gave a snort. He had blown at the house until he passed out with his face a lovely shade of purple as the piggies laughed and tried to egg him on.

     "A brilen - brilleo - smart wolf like me should make pork chops of these three li'l piggies, brick house or not." He stepped forth (or even fifth) confidently, huge leaf blower at the ready.

     A quick pull on the rope started the engine on his back, which putted away happily. Adapted from a VW engine it packed over 150 HP. He aimed it at the neatly painted white wooden door and squeezed the throttle handle. A blast of air howled at the door and Wolfy began to slide back.  His slide became flight as his paws left the ground and he slammed into the tree behind him with a THUD! Stunned, he dropped the nozzle. Now the blower was pointed at the ground and he was no longer pinned to the tree trunk - he went up like a rocket. Straight into the branch over his head, breaking the limb. This would have been plenty of adventure for Wolfy, but the tree wasn't finished with him yet. As he fell it turned into a beautiful half somersault and he landed on his head in a
good sized crater in the hard ground.
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     After I stumbled around awhile assuring everyone that I was OK, "Head bumped OK. Strong head is. Oooo! Pretty bells!". I was able to re-join the fun everyone else was having in the club, but my mind wasn't on it. (Narrator: Since when has Wolfy ever had a mind?). I wanted pork chops! Ham! Sausage! Bacon! Pork steak!

     As always when I had a problem to solve my thoughts turned to dynamite. But that house was strong. I needed a call to Acme Explosives, Inc.

     In my usual suave wolf way, I sauntered up to the door.  I was disguised as a mail wolf with a bag on.  But in the bag was twenty pounds of TNT. I dropped it on the piggies' doorstep and poked in a fuse. One inch should be enough. A quick application of a match and the fuse sputtered to life - then died. I bent over to see what was wrong and saw the ground about a hundred feet below. I was flying through the air.
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     With a horrendous KA-BOOM the TNT exploded sending a shock wave of fire across the club. After it passed, the wolf standing by the door was gone. The li'l piggies yelled from inside, "It didn't penetrate! Lucky we found that old tank out in the woods! Maybe we can open a crack house now." The once neatly painted white door was splintered revealing a layer of slightly rusted tank armor behind it.

     From far away came a cry, "Hello? Dr. Kevorkian's Animal Hospital? I think I'll need some parts transplan(* * *  T H U D  * * *). A few seconds later an ear fell into the club, followed by another ear, followed by a flaming tail.