The Case of the Missing Wolflets

Our wolflets, Joey and Wolfina, are missing!

They were in the courtyard of Wolfville Jr. High School late one afternoon after getting out of detention when a strange blue "Police Call Box" appeared making sounds like an elephant with hemorrhoids.  They pounced on it, but when it didn't try to hop away they decided not to eat it.  They started to investigate it instead.

The door was open a crack and peaking in, they discovered that it was bigger inside than outside.  "Curiouser and curiouser", said Wolfina.  They went in.

In the center was a counter with lots of floating lights and buttons.  Joey found the joy of his life (after edible small furry animals, that is), a big red button!  He began punching it furiously.  Big red buttons always did interesting things.

The door slammed shut, and the irritated elephant began bellowing again as the whole thing raised above the ground.

The last thing anyone there saw was the big blue box raising through the ceiling.

Wolfy, Joey's father, and Wolfette, Wolfina's big sister, immediately set off in a carefully reasoned and highly planned rampage through the forest while howling at the moon, the stars and a flock of startled birds, which they ate.

After several hours, Wolfy called on a friend and DJ from Club United who, in his spare time was Captain of the Federation star ship Howler to assist.  But more on that after a word from our sponsor:

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Ballad of the Silver Fur

to the tune of Ballad of the Green Beret 

Bumming wolves from the sky
Stupid wolves who jump and die
Wolves who mean just what they say
And they never stay away

Silver fur upon their chest
These are  wolves, America's best
One hundred  wolves we'll test today
But only three will get away

Trained to live off nature's land
Trained to run instead of stand
Wolves who bum by night and day
Only they won't stay away

Silver fur upon their chest
These are  wolves, America's best
One hundred  wolves we'll test today
But only three will get away

Back at home young wolfette waits
Her beloved wolf has met his fate
He has died for bunny breast
Leaving her his last request

Grow silver fur on my son's chest
Make him one of America's best
He'll be a wolf they'll test one day
Have him win and get away.

Introducing Joey

LIKE FATHER...A SMALL CHIP OFF THE BLOCK HEAD

Hi packmates n pray.  I'm Joey, Wolfy is my dad.  Mom left my dad, Cindy, and Tommy, my sister and brother.  She ran off with a fox who's some big wig in France in the forest there.  I think he raids rich peoples' chicken coops.

I'm 84 years old (wolf years, that'd make me 12 humon years).  I go to school at Wolfville Jr. High.  I play on the dodge ball team.  We use porcupines for balls 'cause th' gym teacher says "pain makes ya strong!".


My bestus friend is Wolfina, Wolfettes L'il sister.  She's 13 humon years old and kinda shy, but she knows everthing.  She told me so.


I just wanted ta tell ya how we went frog hunten a couple weeks ago.  We was near the stream in Wolfy's Woods 'n there was a lotta frogs.  They was hard ta catch so I brought along my frog pole 'n a hook 'n flies for bait.  But th' frogs weren't biting.  Then I found out how to do it - ya hit 'em over th' head with it!  


Wolfina was so fast she could just grab 'em.  She musta ate a whole buncha frogs that day.  Some of th' VIP's from th' club was there to an' when Wolfina ate her first frog whole they looked almost as green as th' frogs. (giggle!)  Humons is so fusssy about eaten.


I don't know what's wrong with Wolfina.  Her chest is gettin' kinda lumpy n when I told her she was my bestest buddy she looked kinda funny.  It made me want ta lick her nose n nibble on her ears.  She sure is getten' cute.


She got in trouble 'cause of me a while back when someone put one of my stink bombs in th' Principles' car.  Then I looked close in the car I found blue horse hairs.  It was Susy - the little blue horse who kept calling my Dad "daddy" on Titan.  Dad and Wolfette brought her home, but she wanted to go back to Titan after a few months.  Anyway, she found a way.  After she got Wolfina n me in trouble, they took her back.


I'm Hostin' in th' club everother week now with Wolfina doin' th' DJ thing.  I wasn't there last week for th' Limper Day celerybration, but Dad Hosted and Wolfette was DJ.  Dad looked all over but couldn't find a animalation for th' Limper Day Dance - that's th' one where ya grab one foot with both front paws and hop up n down.  Limper did it when the wheel he nvented ran over his foot.


Dad says I can write here sometimes n so can Wolfina.  We'll keep ya upperdated.

Things We Discovered About the Ancient Wolf Civilization

1. They had a cure for cancer - You MUST inject fermented squirrel juice 1cc/lb of body weight. But it can only be administered by a shot in the end of the tail.

2. They had a cure for diabetes, but the cure was in the Appendix.  The rest of the scroll is lost.

3. They had the secret of zero-point energy (to read my book on the zero-point energy powered bunny trap send 14.99 bunny skins to: Wolfy Naughteous, Wolf Shack, Main Trail, Wolfy's Woods, Eternal Life Sim)

4. This scroll has been infected by a virus.  For help call 838-1393 in Nigeria.

The Night of Wolfy's Birth

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house

Not a creature was stirring, we'd eaten the last mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

We had no children, but my wife was quite round;

Well not since lunch last Friday when that boy came around;

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I raised up my head, and planned venison stew,

I heard a scream and tiny wolf howl too.

Then out from the fireplace came thumpings and growls,

And a tiny wolf body landed head-first with howls.

Santa sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

I HATE THAT WOLF HOUSE - THAT PUP GAVE ME SUCH A BITE!

(With abject apologies to Clement Clarke Moore for wolfizing his poem)

I can't remember much about my birth, but I do remember a lump on my head. Happily wolves have solid skulls - all the way through.

To end the story of my birth, I was dropped down the chimney on my head. Luci, the club owner, says that explains everything about me. Santa and my father eventually became friends. That was before dad and mom ate his original team of reindeer.

Anyway, last Saturday the creatures at Club United (otherwise known as The Asylum) threw me a birthday party. Everyone had a wonderful time and they even had a fire extinguisher just in case. I don't know why, but our club fire insurance has been very high recently. My tail has caught fire several times, usually after I wash it. I don't know why. I keep it clean and shiny by rubbing It with gasoline.

In spite of peril of either fire or cooking pot, almost all the creatures in Wolfy's Woods attended. I never realized how many adoring prey and pack mates I had. Wolfette baked a lovely bunny cake with left-over elephant frosting, and the Squirrel Cola flowed freely. Even two of the bunnies were there. For some reason, both were armed with huge swords. I was almost in tears when they asked me to sit in a throne so they could get a shot of me. There are still several holes in the chair, but I patched the one in my hat. I still have a new part in the fur on my head, though.

The Ultimate July Fourth

It all started when W.A.S.A. (Wolf Astronomical Spy Association) spotted the alien space ship around Saturn. Now the world knew that we aren't alone any more. But although they celebrated, we at Club United watched and held our breath. (Ever tried to hold your breath for about a month? We both became blue wolves). The ships moved to Jupiter, then to Venus, and finally they appeared over Eternal Life Sim. On July 3, we held a very quite event and waited.

As we were almost ready to end the event, there was a buzzing sound and a bright, rainbow beam appeared.  It was the beam the Alien Wolves used to snatch us the last time.  But this time the rainbows were coming down, not up!

Wolfette: It's the Alien Wolves - they're after us again!

Wolfy: YAY! They want to help us celebrate July Fourth (American Independence Day for those of you not in the U.S.).

The beam disappeared, and there sat a huge atomic bomb!

Wolfy: Little overstated. :/
       This is a job for the Purple Pumpernickel!

Wolfy hides behind the bomb and out comes P.P. himself.

P.P.: I'm here to save the day with my super sense of taste and smell! I can smell what colors the wires are in that bomb!

P.P. sticks his head in the bomb * * *  S N A R F !  * * * ... SNAP!

Club United VIP's and staff all bail out of the club.

P.P. pulls his head out of the bomb.  I've saved the day!  See? It's perfectly safe now. P.P. Kicks the bomb.

Bomb: Click!

P.P.: The wire smelled red. :/

Bomb: * * *  B O O M ! ! !  * * *

For all our reader's fine sensibilities, we will now fade away from this tragic scene.

Due to the smoke, flame and green glow, we spent the next event hiding in a fallout shelter under ground.  Happily, we had a large stock of bunny flavored Ramon Noodles and Squirrel Cola taken from my stash at the Wolf Shack in Wolfy's Woods.  Wolfy's Woods has the fastest bunnies in the world or they would be on the endangered species list.

Don't forget to join us at Club United, Eternal Life Sim, Second Life any Saturday night at 5 pm PST (SLT)

After the Fallout - Part 1

Wolfman's Journal entry  July 8th 2017

A week has passed since the second invasion of earth has begun, Things are not going well for us, we have traveled I don't know how far since the bombs first hit.

 It is in fear that I will not survive this time so I have decided to write down what i can as I can along the way so that future generations my know of what really happened.  I have never written a record of my life or my journeys before and am not sure how to go about it so I suppose I will start from the beginning.

For the whole month of June the people of earth had been hearing strange things coming from the news outlets about an object headed toward Earth. At first we though it was just another comet passing buy, but shortly after the first report it started behaving erratically. By time anyone knew what was going on it was already too late there where UFO's in orbit around our planet. Ships so massive that they could be seen clearly from the ground, every once in awhile one would pass by and block out the sun almost completely.

On Friday June 30th it happened all attempts at communication by the worlds leaders have failed. Before any of us could react devices where appearing all over the globe a minute later all was white and then went dark.

 The next day I woke up in a different place as if someone or something had moved me there during the blast. Gathering my senses I made my way to the rubble of what once was Club United to find people there trying to clime out of the wreckage. After seeing to their safety and finding my wife Serina we realize that we can't stay here. there was no food or supplies to be had we had to find a new place.

So we set out across the devastated land searching for shelter and food.  Bout three days into our trek we come upon and oddly shaped hill with what looked like some burnt out trees thinking it would be a good place to make camp for the night we set to climbing on it. Along the way Wolfy decided to make a stop thinking he would mark one or something. That's when the fun began.

No sooner did we reach the hill with Wolfy far ahead then the hill seemed to move, first only shifting slightly but even that was enough to make the ground under our feet shake. It wasn't long before the creature stood up, it was then we realized that it wasn't and oddly shape hill but a mutated creature of some sorts, the trees... well what we thought of as trees where bone spikes growing out of it's back. It must have stood at over one hundred feet tall. Looking down at Wolfy it gave an ear splitting roar and reached down to try to grab him. Wolfy got away but started running toward us. The creature gave chase and soon we all where running for our lives.

It had only been a week but we finally found an abandoned building with thick walls. Hopefully it will be enough to protect us from the radiation. Still not a lot in the way of food or supplies so it will not be long before we will have to move on again.