The Night of Wolfy's Birth

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house

Not a creature was stirring, we'd eaten the last mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

We had no children, but my wife was quite round;

Well not since lunch last Friday when that boy came around;

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I raised up my head, and planned venison stew,

I heard a scream and tiny wolf howl too.

Then out from the fireplace came thumpings and growls,

And a tiny wolf body landed head-first with howls.

Santa sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

I HATE THAT WOLF HOUSE - THAT PUP GAVE ME SUCH A BITE!

(With abject apologies to Clement Clarke Moore for wolfizing his poem)

I can't remember much about my birth, but I do remember a lump on my head. Happily wolves have solid skulls - all the way through.

To end the story of my birth, I was dropped down the chimney on my head. Luci, the club owner, says that explains everything about me. Santa and my father eventually became friends. That was before dad and mom ate his original team of reindeer.

Anyway, last Saturday the creatures at Club United (otherwise known as The Asylum) threw me a birthday party. Everyone had a wonderful time and they even had a fire extinguisher just in case. I don't know why, but our club fire insurance has been very high recently. My tail has caught fire several times, usually after I wash it. I don't know why. I keep it clean and shiny by rubbing It with gasoline.

In spite of peril of either fire or cooking pot, almost all the creatures in Wolfy's Woods attended. I never realized how many adoring prey and pack mates I had. Wolfette baked a lovely bunny cake with left-over elephant frosting, and the Squirrel Cola flowed freely. Even two of the bunnies were there. For some reason, both were armed with huge swords. I was almost in tears when they asked me to sit in a throne so they could get a shot of me. There are still several holes in the chair, but I patched the one in my hat. I still have a new part in the fur on my head, though.

The Ultimate July Fourth

It all started when W.A.S.A. (Wolf Astronomical Spy Association) spotted the alien space ship around Saturn. Now the world knew that we aren't alone any more. But although they celebrated, we at Club United watched and held our breath. (Ever tried to hold your breath for about a month? We both became blue wolves). The ships moved to Jupiter, then to Venus, and finally they appeared over Eternal Life Sim. On July 3, we held a very quite event and waited.

As we were almost ready to end the event, there was a buzzing sound and a bright, rainbow beam appeared.  It was the beam the Alien Wolves used to snatch us the last time.  But this time the rainbows were coming down, not up!

Wolfette: It's the Alien Wolves - they're after us again!

Wolfy: YAY! They want to help us celebrate July Fourth (American Independence Day for those of you not in the U.S.).

The beam disappeared, and there sat a huge atomic bomb!

Wolfy: Little overstated. :/
       This is a job for the Purple Pumpernickel!

Wolfy hides behind the bomb and out comes P.P. himself.

P.P.: I'm here to save the day with my super sense of taste and smell! I can smell what colors the wires are in that bomb!

P.P. sticks his head in the bomb * * *  S N A R F !  * * * ... SNAP!

Club United VIP's and staff all bail out of the club.

P.P. pulls his head out of the bomb.  I've saved the day!  See? It's perfectly safe now. P.P. Kicks the bomb.

Bomb: Click!

P.P.: The wire smelled red. :/

Bomb: * * *  B O O M ! ! !  * * *

For all our reader's fine sensibilities, we will now fade away from this tragic scene.

Due to the smoke, flame and green glow, we spent the next event hiding in a fallout shelter under ground.  Happily, we had a large stock of bunny flavored Ramon Noodles and Squirrel Cola taken from my stash at the Wolf Shack in Wolfy's Woods.  Wolfy's Woods has the fastest bunnies in the world or they would be on the endangered species list.

Don't forget to join us at Club United, Eternal Life Sim, Second Life any Saturday night at 5 pm PST (SLT)

After the Fallout - Part 1

Wolfman's Journal entry  July 8th 2017

A week has passed since the second invasion of earth has begun, Things are not going well for us, we have traveled I don't know how far since the bombs first hit.

 It is in fear that I will not survive this time so I have decided to write down what i can as I can along the way so that future generations my know of what really happened.  I have never written a record of my life or my journeys before and am not sure how to go about it so I suppose I will start from the beginning.

For the whole month of June the people of earth had been hearing strange things coming from the news outlets about an object headed toward Earth. At first we though it was just another comet passing buy, but shortly after the first report it started behaving erratically. By time anyone knew what was going on it was already too late there where UFO's in orbit around our planet. Ships so massive that they could be seen clearly from the ground, every once in awhile one would pass by and block out the sun almost completely.

On Friday June 30th it happened all attempts at communication by the worlds leaders have failed. Before any of us could react devices where appearing all over the globe a minute later all was white and then went dark.

 The next day I woke up in a different place as if someone or something had moved me there during the blast. Gathering my senses I made my way to the rubble of what once was Club United to find people there trying to clime out of the wreckage. After seeing to their safety and finding my wife Serina we realize that we can't stay here. there was no food or supplies to be had we had to find a new place.

So we set out across the devastated land searching for shelter and food.  Bout three days into our trek we come upon and oddly shaped hill with what looked like some burnt out trees thinking it would be a good place to make camp for the night we set to climbing on it. Along the way Wolfy decided to make a stop thinking he would mark one or something. That's when the fun began.

No sooner did we reach the hill with Wolfy far ahead then the hill seemed to move, first only shifting slightly but even that was enough to make the ground under our feet shake. It wasn't long before the creature stood up, it was then we realized that it wasn't and oddly shape hill but a mutated creature of some sorts, the trees... well what we thought of as trees where bone spikes growing out of it's back. It must have stood at over one hundred feet tall. Looking down at Wolfy it gave an ear splitting roar and reached down to try to grab him. Wolfy got away but started running toward us. The creature gave chase and soon we all where running for our lives.

It had only been a week but we finally found an abandoned building with thick walls. Hopefully it will be enough to protect us from the radiation. Still not a lot in the way of food or supplies so it will not be long before we will have to move on again.

A Wife and Pups??!!! Oh and an Evil Queen!

Hello again Prey! I'm having so much fun having Mom and Dad with me it's wonderful.

So after I returned, and got my human to allow Mom and Dad to come out and meet Handsome Wolf, we went to the club. There was this pup there Joey who called Handsome Wolf Dad! Handsome Wolf NEVER told me he had pups. I found out he had been married but his wife ran off with a fox. I was pretty upset, I stayed in my human's head and let Mom and Dad ask all the questions.

In the end, Handsome Wolf promised not to keep secrets and told me about his other two pups, Tommy and Cindy. I told him we'd need a bigger table for Thanksgiving. He fainted.. silly wolf.


So not long after that, I was sitting outside my Chateau, when this other Queen showed up. I was kind of annoyed because I'm the only Queen of Wolfy's Woods. Well, this Queen apparently was evil, and she was jealous of my wolf beauty. She said some mumbo jumbo and turned me into a Merwolfette!
Meanwhile, Handsome Wolf found some strange wires and chewed them. He's expected to make a full recovery.

I'm still looking for a cure to this curse.. what's that potion over there... it says 'Drink Me'? hmmmmm...

Join us every Saturday from 8-10pm EASTERN time, aka 5-7pm SLT in Second Life at Club United to take part in our crazy story. Hope to see you there! http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Eternal%20Life/122/225/1002

Meanwhile.. maybe I'll drink the potion and see what happens...

Family Reunion!

Hello, Prey! I'm back, did you miss me? I missed you and your wonderful flavors, but I am home now, back to the sweet Wolfy's Woods!

When I last wrote I was running and running, trying to find my family, and see if I even had one! Well, turns out I do. I found a couple humans who have MAD ( Multiple Avatar Disorder) just like my human, Isa. Their MAD also included wolves and as things would have it, one was a blue male wolf and one was a red female wolf and they told me their daughter, a purple wolf, had jumped into the mind of some random human when she was just a pup. They've been looking for me! It was a fun time with lots of howls and eating of bunnies!

I wanted to stay with them, but I missed Handsome Wolf something awful, so I convinced them to run back with me. We all jumped into my human, Isa's, head. She wasn't very happy at first but said we could all stay if we promised to take regular flea baths. (I don't know what it is about her and fleas. Doesn't she know they are good for your fur?)  There was much rejoicing with my family and we try to take over as much as possible, but that human is pretty strong.

So when we got home, the delicious smell of bunny was wafting up from below. Seems my good friend Katie was having a bunny roast on the ground. I helped her out by catching a couple more bunnies ( I think one was named Kathy) and added them to the spit. Katie isn't a bad cook, not as good as me of course, but not bad. After we all had our fill of bunny, we headed back to the woods for some sleep.

Come visit Club United on Saturday nights in the Second Life Grid, 5-7pm SLT (Pacific time USA) to see more of our antics.

PRESTEGUSTIDIGITATIUNUSS MUSEUME OF WOLF HISTORY

   Wolf history has been researched by the voices in the purple mushrooms in Wolfy's Woods.  These voices are actually super-intelligent (although totally insane) aliens from another galaxy.  They watched earth TV on the way here, but got addicted to The Smurfs.  So it was natural for them to take up residence in the nearest mushrooms.  When Wolfy wandered by one day, they recognized the potential.  Well, not the potential for intelligence, but for more living space.  They live in the large empty area in his head not taken up by his brain.

   The Voices (registered alien trademark) have found that wolves evolved from elephants at about the time that Earth's moon, Titan, abandoned the planet and the current moon took over.  When men disobeyed God's commandment not to eat the fruit, the earth went downhill very quickly.  There were several things that happened besides Adam and Eve being given the boot by God.

   1. Those _____________ (fill in the blank) people who eat strange food and don't look like us
       moved in in droves.
   2. Real estate prices dropped out of sight.
   3. Weeds started growing in everyone's front yard.
   4. The moon, Titan, decided to move out and live in prime retirement property near Saturn.
   5. The current moon, Luna, sneaked in across the border to try to get on welfare.
   6. The elephants, who loved eating tomatoes from the tops of trees, became allergic to alligators.

   That last was catastroffic - catboxic - very bad!  An elephant would find a nice hard green tomato in a tree and suck it into his trunk.  An allagator would walk by.  The elephant would hop down from the top of a tree and turn to say, "Hi" to the alligator, and AHHH - AHHHH - BOOM! One allagator with a hole in it.  Then a human who happened to wander by saw this happen and got the idea to put holes in other humans.

Howler

Howler was a great inventor. He appeared by magic one day in a square blue tree that bellowed like an elephant with a stuck tomato, near a group of wolves having dinner next to a pile of wood. (See the Saturday, August 20, 2016 post "History Repeats It's Self")

In one afternoon, Howler discovered lightning, fire, and gourmet cooking.  He then went back into his tree and disappeared.

Limpy

Limpy invented the wheel. He banged on a large rock until it was round, yet flat on both sides. To see what it would do, he put it on top of a big boulder. The problem was that the boulder wasn't quite flat. He then stood under it to see what it would do.  It rolled off the boulder and landed on his paw.  After that, for safety, the pack alpha decreed that all wheels must be square.  That's why now all wolf built wagons have square wheels.












The Purple Pumpernickle


     Born on the planet Lupis, fourth planet from the little dog star, Canis Minorus, PP was known as  Dum-Wof the son of a mad scientist,  Krak-Pot and his mad wife Ol-Bat (she once bit him).  Dum-Wof was put on an experimental space craft by his father, and mother, just before his home planet exploded from radioactive gas produced by grinding all the planet's forests into newspapers.

     Landing in a cat box, he was found by a humble cat herder and his wife who adopted him as their pet.  On their cat ranch, Dum-Wof developed the secret identity of Wolfy, humble snarfer of bunnies, mainly because he thought it was "cool".

     Now, as the Purple Pumpernickel, he uses his super powers for good (for wolves).  Whenever wolves anywhere are threatened, the humble Wolfy dives under the nearest sofa and emerges as the Purple Pumpernickle!  Defender of the weak!  Snarfer of bunny snacks!  Protector of spoof, just-us-wolves, and the Lupine way!


 "Look!  Up in the sky!  It's a bird!  It's a plane!  No!  It's that Dum-Wof!"

In search of....

Adoring prey, I realize it has been so long since I addressed you, you probably feel like I lost my appetite. I apologize, I'll begin hunting you again soon.

So much has happened since last I wrote, that it will take too long to share. Suffice it to say that Handsome Wolf and I have been on grand adventures, some of which he will share with you, and we have had lots of fun events.

During the last of these events, where we were recounting the Wolf Tale of 'The Wolf  Who Cried Boy', I was dancing with Handsome Wolf, and looking around at the families gathered. I suddenly realized I don't have a family. Where is my family? I was in my human's mind for so long, do I even 'have' a family?

So I did what any Purple Wolf would do, I got out my sonic screwdriver and started to fix the Tardis. This project was taking too long so I started to run. And I've been running, looking for my family, since. I paused to let you know that I am ok, and when I return to you, dear prey, I will cook some of you in celebration, and I will share what I have learned if anything.

So dear prey, eat, drink, fatten up for our feast, (well, except of course for Prince Delvin and his protected bunnies) and I will return to enjoy your tasty meat with tales to tell you!

Until then, this is DJ Wolfette, running off.

HAM HYSTERIA

     The bushes parted as a pointed black nose poked out. The nose was followed by two brown pointed ears.

     Wolfy eyed the piggies new brick house and gave a snort. He had blown at the house until he passed out with his face a lovely shade of purple as the piggies laughed and tried to egg him on.

     "A brilen - brilleo - smart wolf like me should make pork chops of these three li'l piggies, brick house or not." He stepped forth (or even fifth) confidently, huge leaf blower at the ready.

     A quick pull on the rope started the engine on his back, which putted away happily. Adapted from a VW engine it packed over 150 HP. He aimed it at the neatly painted white wooden door and squeezed the throttle handle. A blast of air howled at the door and Wolfy began to slide back.  His slide became flight as his paws left the ground and he slammed into the tree behind him with a THUD! Stunned, he dropped the nozzle. Now the blower was pointed at the ground and he was no longer pinned to the tree trunk - he went up like a rocket. Straight into the branch over his head, breaking the limb. This would have been plenty of adventure for Wolfy, but the tree wasn't finished with him yet. As he fell it turned into a beautiful half somersault and he landed on his head in a
good sized crater in the hard ground.
=======================================================================
     After I stumbled around awhile assuring everyone that I was OK, "Head bumped OK. Strong head is. Oooo! Pretty bells!". I was able to re-join the fun everyone else was having in the club, but my mind wasn't on it. (Narrator: Since when has Wolfy ever had a mind?). I wanted pork chops! Ham! Sausage! Bacon! Pork steak!

     As always when I had a problem to solve my thoughts turned to dynamite. But that house was strong. I needed a call to Acme Explosives, Inc.

     In my usual suave wolf way, I sauntered up to the door.  I was disguised as a mail wolf with a bag on.  But in the bag was twenty pounds of TNT. I dropped it on the piggies' doorstep and poked in a fuse. One inch should be enough. A quick application of a match and the fuse sputtered to life - then died. I bent over to see what was wrong and saw the ground about a hundred feet below. I was flying through the air.
=======================================================================
     With a horrendous KA-BOOM the TNT exploded sending a shock wave of fire across the club. After it passed, the wolf standing by the door was gone. The li'l piggies yelled from inside, "It didn't penetrate! Lucky we found that old tank out in the woods! Maybe we can open a crack house now." The once neatly painted white door was splintered revealing a layer of slightly rusted tank armor behind it.

     From far away came a cry, "Hello? Dr. Kevorkian's Animal Hospital? I think I'll need some parts transplan(* * *  T H U D  * * *). A few seconds later an ear fell into the club, followed by another ear, followed by a flaming tail.

OVER THE UNDERGROUND UNDER FOOT - UH - PAW

Bet you thought it was the end when we got back to Wolfy's Woods, didn't you?  C'mon - you did!  But it wasn't.

   There are always new places to explore in Wolfy's Woods.  Last Saturday Wolfette and I took a picnic basket (to attract hungry bunnies for lunch) and set out.  We saw a big pointed thing over a hole in the ground.  It was a drilling machine!  Being adventurererssers - advunt - brave (Narrator's note: DUMB!) and fearless, we climbed in to explore.

   The thing looked ancient, but my favorite control was there: a big red button.  It had "Emergency Only" printed on it, which is Wolf for "Please Push Me and See What Happens!".  What happened was great fun!  The floor dropped out from beneath us and we floated.  I heard Wolfette yell and then I found the floor - it was smacking the end of my nose like a big metal newspaper.

   When I woke up I congratulated myself for my bravery and cunning in rescuing Wolfette by getting her to carry me out of the machine.  And I wasn't even conscious when I did it!  (Narrator's note: Wolfy is seldom conscious) There was blood all over her fur, and I remember thinking, "That doesn't look too serious." when I realized it was my blood.  AAAAHHHHHH!  Happily, it was just a nose bleed.

   We were in a long cave lighted by some kind of green slime.  It looked like the Wolf Shack after a party.  It had stalagmigh - stlagma - pointy things on the roof and floor.  There was also a small river running down the middle of it with lillypads and fishes and tentacles and white frogs and  ... (light bulb flashing - WARNING WILL ROBINSON!) ... AAAAAAHHHHHH!  We were the first wolves to swim the four-minute mile. There were monsters down there!  Luckily Wolfette is a good shot with a shotgun at 10 feet away.  I usually missed. We kept going. If we turned around, the monsters would have lunch - and it wouldn't be bunny stew.

   After what seemed like hours, there was a growing redness around us. It was also getting nice and warm.  It felt good on wet fur.  Then my paws felt too warm!  We were in a huge cavern and there was lava between the bricks in the floor.  Wait!  Bricks?  It was an altar of some kind.  We climbed up on it but couldn't see any way out.  We waited there for several days!  Luckily there were these big purple mushrooms.  The voices that lived in 'em kept us happy, happy, happy.  I don't remember much after that except for the booms and rumbles and the whole place shaking.

   When we woke up, we noticed the lava had frozen.  There were paw prints in it and our fur was smoking.  We had come up close to Club United!  Time to pawty!  We limped in just in time for Dances with Wolves (6:00 pm SLT on Saturdays on Second Life virtual world - that's also 6:00 pm PST - funny how that works out. It's 27:15 Wolf Standerd Time. :/).

WOODS SWEET WOODS

  Oh the adventures we have had!  There was the malt shop where I challenged the guy with the funny puffed up hairdo and I tried to jump the shark with a motorcycle.  I think that shark is still trying to get the tire tracks off his back.

    We have been to so many places I have forgotten some of them.  We have never found Perrin, but my Lovely Wolfette has become a great DJ.  I think some of the songs she plays were from worlds we visited.  She has a lovely voice when she makes announcements about specials at McBunnies and the occasional howl adds spice.

    But all good things must come to an end.  My imaginative landings have taken their toll on the tardis.  Especially the last one when we returned to earth upside down.  I think it must have alien rats as most of the wires have been chewed. But we never can find any when it's dinner time.

    We had a good run, but it's so good to be home in Wolfy's Woods..