PRESTEGUSTIDIGITATIUNUSS MUSEUME OF WOLF HISTORY

   Wolf history has been researched by the voices in the purple mushrooms in Wolfy's Woods.  These voices are actually super-intelligent (although totally insane) aliens from another galaxy.  They watched earth TV on the way here, but got addicted to The Smurfs.  So it was natural for them to take up residence in the nearest mushrooms.  When Wolfy wandered by one day, they recognized the potential.  Well, not the potential for intelligence, but for more living space.  They live in the large empty area in his head not taken up by his brain.

   The Voices (registered alien trademark) have found that wolves evolved from elephants at about the time that Earth's moon, Titan, abandoned the planet and the current moon took over.  When men disobeyed God's commandment not to eat the fruit, the earth went downhill very quickly.  There were several things that happened besides Adam and Eve being given the boot by God.

   1. Those _____________ (fill in the blank) people who eat strange food and don't look like us
       moved in in droves.
   2. Real estate prices dropped out of sight.
   3. Weeds started growing in everyone's front yard.
   4. The moon, Titan, decided to move out and live in prime retirement property near Saturn.
   5. The current moon, Luna, sneaked in across the border to try to get on welfare.
   6. The elephants, who loved eating tomatoes from the tops of trees, became allergic to alligators.

   That last was catastroffic - catboxic - very bad!  An elephant would find a nice hard green tomato in a tree and suck it into his trunk.  An allagator would walk by.  The elephant would hop down from the top of a tree and turn to say, "Hi" to the alligator, and AHHH - AHHHH - BOOM! One allagator with a hole in it.  Then a human who happened to wander by saw this happen and got the idea to put holes in other humans.

Howler

Howler was a great inventor. He appeared by magic one day in a square blue tree that bellowed like an elephant with a stuck tomato, near a group of wolves having dinner next to a pile of wood. (See the Saturday, August 20, 2016 post "History Repeats It's Self")

In one afternoon, Howler discovered lightning, fire, and gourmet cooking.  He then went back into his tree and disappeared.

Limpy

Limpy invented the wheel. He banged on a large rock until it was round, yet flat on both sides. To see what it would do, he put it on top of a big boulder. The problem was that the boulder wasn't quite flat. He then stood under it to see what it would do.  It rolled off the boulder and landed on his paw.  After that, for safety, the pack alpha decreed that all wheels must be square.  That's why now all wolf built wagons have square wheels.












The Purple Pumpernickle


     Born on the planet Lupis, fourth planet from the little dog star, Canis Minorus, PP was known as  Dum-Wof the son of a mad scientist,  Krak-Pot and his mad wife Ol-Bat (she once bit him).  Dum-Wof was put on an experimental space craft by his father, and mother, just before his home planet exploded from radioactive gas produced by grinding all the planet's forests into newspapers.

     Landing in a cat box, he was found by a humble cat herder and his wife who adopted him as their pet.  On their cat ranch, Dum-Wof developed the secret identity of Wolfy, humble snarfer of bunnies, mainly because he thought it was "cool".

     Now, as the Purple Pumpernickel, he uses his super powers for good (for wolves).  Whenever wolves anywhere are threatened, the humble Wolfy dives under the nearest sofa and emerges as the Purple Pumpernickle!  Defender of the weak!  Snarfer of bunny snacks!  Protector of spoof, just-us-wolves, and the Lupine way!


 "Look!  Up in the sky!  It's a bird!  It's a plane!  No!  It's that Dum-Wof!"